Category «Uncategorized»

What is wrong with me

what is wrong with me. It has been two months now and I haven’t changed my situation. What is my situation you ask I’m homeless sleeping in a truck that I was given from my boss at my last job a couple of years ago that needs major repairs. Now I have a job I …

I despise my mind

being held hostage by anxiety and depression, just get up and move that’s all you have to do and instead I’m paralyzed and I’m trapped. I’m fighting against an invisible force that holds me back and that invisible force is my mind, my mental state betrays me I sit here and cry as I write …

Starter

well the starter is shot on the truck so I ordered a replacement cost twice as much as I expected I had to tap my emergency credit card should have the mechanic installing it tomorrow then I just have to get my brakes fixed I’m so scared I postpone this moment hoping for a miracle …

I try

I tried to look at things going on as an opportunity. I’m trying to learn the lessons that life is showing me. but my brain wants to scream what did I do wrong why is this happening to me why am I a failure

Its back

it’s back or was it never really got but just in the shadows of my mind. I refer to my old friend disassociation. My attempts to shut away from the pain of this life to one with no feeling. I thought I had vanquished it from my psyche oh, but it is here and slowly …

Love not fight

I thought about fighting for you. Not letting you go. I thought about forcing myself to stay in your life. It is not a lack of love for you that I listened to your plea. It is the love for you I hold that with your heart I will agree. if I caused you pain, …

Mirror

When I see myself in the mirror I don’t know who I see. Is this really me? Is this the man I am at 55? Has the veneer and facade been stripped away to reveal the true me? I don’t know anymore. I was once someone with potential, I once had a life. I once …

Alone again?

This is only the second time in my life that I have lived alone. I’ve always lived with family or had a roommate. The first time I lived alone was when Maggie left the first time and I wasn’t truly alone as I had my girls with me. Now I am alone sitting in my …

I realize

I didn’t realize the consequences for my actions. I do understand that is my procrastination that causes a lot of my problems. unfortunately being aware of the problem doesn’t necessarily provide us with a solution. well just suck it up may work for some people. Just get over it and do it works for some …

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